Monday, April 8, 2013

What I'm thinking

In college I had a dear friend who in quiet moments would often ask, "What are you thinking?"

I was never thinking anything worth sharing. Sometimes I was giving myself a private rescreening of a remembered conversation in which I'd been hilarious or awkward. (Usually awkward. Very awkward.)
(In these cases, I'm sure my face was doing weird things: Either making the adorable expressions I'd made when I'd said the hilarious things or blushing urgently at my idiocy. Usually blushing.)

Other times I was thinking something unkind. I know. You're all shocked. It happens. I'm working on it.

But most often, when a conversation drifted to a close, my mind would follow a path like this: "I have nothing more to say on that topic. What else is going on in my brain? [Mentally singing:] Nope, I was wrong, it's a really weird commercial for soap! I wish I could get that jingle out of my head. I should think about something else. I have nothing to think about. Shoot, Blair is going to ask me what I'm thinking about. Quick, think about something interesting. Global warming? No. I don't have anything to say about global warming.* Um.... oh no, that's all I've got. Quick, there's still time!"

Then I would hear from Blair, my always interested roommate: "What are you thinking?"

Sometimes--even now, even though Blair hasn't asked me that question in years--when I'm trying to get a song out of my head, my brain jumps to that same path and I feel a little panicky. I feel an insistent pressure to think about something interesting, and that pressure disables my ability to think interestingly.

I'll just have to hope that I will never again be in a situation where someone might expect me to be interesting. Okay, friends? When we're together, please come prepared to be the sole provider of interesting thoughts in our interactions.

I appreciate it.

*I don't know why, but global warming is always the first thing that pops into my head in situations like this. I should really develop some talking points on the subject. I just googled "global warming talking points" and... wow. I am really not interested in this topic. I need some material that doesn't suck.


  1. World peace?
    American idol?
    The war in Iraq?
    The royal family?
    No one asks me what I'm least Blair cared enough........

  2. Hey, glad to see you blogging again! It is a great way to get what you are thinking out so everyone can see it. Oh, and I must say, I am afraid you are MORE interesting as a mommy. :-)

  3. the last time i asked someone what they were thinking about we ended up getting married--so i try to avoid that know, since i'm taken. ;)

  4. I know this post is pretty old, but I'm going to comment on it anyway to say, I really don't like it when people ask me this question!!! It feels like an invasion of privacy! Also, the other day I was thinking about how I hated it when the BYU bookstore employees used to ask customers weird questions at the checkout line, like, "If you could do anything and were guaranteed not to fail, what would you do?" Anyway, I don't mean to be so negative :) I love your blog!